What would Nigella do?

There is Domestic Goddess and there is Domestic Mess.  I am in the middle.   I have the odd Martha Stewart moment, although I’m guessing she doesn’t ring her friends to say, “I just made my own chicken stock!”

For every Martha Moment is a Me Moment.  Yesterday I was telling my husband I’m the “Stain Whisperer,” on account of a spectacularly successful bit of laundry.  I was waving my son’s spotless schoolshirt around going, “This was just filthy!” before realising said paint-splattered shirt was still on the floor, and I had just re-washed a perfectly clean one.  Ah.

I do love cooking and baking though.  Having said that, to know your limitations in these areas is a Very Good Thing.

Case in point: my children’s birthdays.  November is birthday party month, as they were born two weeks apart.   Since my daughter is two on Saturday, she will have three friends over, plus their parents.

So today I flipped through cookbooks, writing down everything I wanted to prepare.  Let’s just recap: the food I will need for four toddlers, a pre-schooler, and a smattering of adults for a two-hour party.  Here is the list I ended up with, are you ready?

– Birthday cake: double-layered maple cake with pink sparkly whipped cream
– Cupcakes: strawberry swirl buttercake with soft meringue frosting
– Fairy bread
– Homemade sausage rolls with tomato relish
– Chocolate crackles
– Rasberry coconut slice
– Fresh fruit platter
– Pink meringues
– Vanilla hart-shaped biscuits with pink icing.

I agree. What a dickhead.

My problem was, I had forgotten about last year’s party.  The one where rather than going to bed, I was smearing a thousand pink biscuits with icing that had already set.  The kitchen looked like the Pink Panther had snuck in and shat everywhere.  I ended up telling people my little boy helped with all the food – pure class, right there.

I need to whittle that silly list right down.

Cocktail frankfurt, anyone?

17 thoughts on “What would Nigella do?

  1. You are too funny! Isn't it crazy what we do???

    Nigella would GO SIMPLE and then sneak out of her room in the middle of the night to eat the left-overs. Don't make anything that can't be made ahead of time. 😉

    Take pictures because this nosy mama wants you to share.

  2. Kate yes please bring free cheese, but only if the Irish government can spare it?

    Thanks AR – good to hear from a fellow fairy bread fan.

    Thanks Abby! I genuinely do like Nigella, I just love her writing – but one thing that always gets me is her insistence she keeps things simple, then she goes and does anything but. Or is that just me? Things like dying your risotto with squid ink for the children.

  3. It seems from watching the NIgella that the secret to success in cooking in your neglige… try not to set yourself on fire though!

    Just open a bottle of wine and see what happens – I find it is the best way to survive kids parties 🙂

  4. hee I do the same every year and then end up at a supermarket that morning buying those party packs instead!
    love, love, love the pink panther description!! hahaha! My big gals 2nd birthday I tried to make iced biscuits, misjudged food colouring, made my kitchen look more like a butchers!
    Anyway, Nigella doesn't have the kids round her ankles trying to steal food and trip you up as she's cooking. what I tell myself anyway 😉 x

  5. Been there, done that…made me chuckle to see despite all the cookery programmes no one has a failsafe method for kids parties…
    and just in case you think they'll grow out of this phase, it's replaced by 'sleepovers'…what a misnoma that is!?!

    Steel yourself then hit the mothers ruin :o)

  6. I've just found your blog. What a great post.

    I feel quite anxious even thinking about planning my kids birthday parties…Particularly when they get out The Womens' Weekly Birthday Cake book and point to pictures of castles and pirate ship type arrangements.

    Just a quick question – were you planning on making the relish to go with the homemade sausage rolls…?!

    I hope it goes well.

  7. Love your comments!

    Farmer's Wife – yes, in a moment of idiocy I was planning of serving relish at a 2yo birthday party. I have come to my senses though and will be getting out the tom sauce. And the Women's Weekly book (ie my childhood bible, I have eaten every single cake except for the scary duck with a corn chip beak) has been getting a workout by my kids. Hmmmm I think there's a post there!

    Seems that the wine is a recurring theme here ladies. Would that be a Top Tip for kids birthday parties?

  8. That is perfect!! I love it!

    Have also been meaning to buy a decent sized Keep Calm & Carry On, love the other versions of that too. Such a good site.

    It's time for a completely unsubtle Christmas hint.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s