My Gift to You: Style Tips

Today I am going to pretend to be a fashion stylist.  Here are my style tips for a sleeker, more sophisticated you.

– Don’t wear all your clothes at the same time.  It piles on the pounds, and it’s really hard to go to the loo.  I know this because I’m living in a British winter, therefore am wearing 192 layers of clothing right now.

– To truly accentuate your good bits, it’s not enough to show them off with carefully chosen clothes.  You have to tell everyone about them too.  So if someone says they like your trousers, make sure you reply with, “Don’t they show off my long slim legs?”  Better still, don’t wait for someone to complement you first.  Just jump in and tell everyone you have long slim legs.  But only if you do have long slim legs.  Drawing attention to your sausage legs is distinctly unhelpful.

– Give a jaunty court jester’s hat an unusual twist by wearing it looking thoroughly miserable.

– Keep your underwear under.  It didn’t work for Madonna, it will not work for you.

– If you walk around with clothes just collected from the dry cleaner, people will think you have an expensive wardrobe.

– Don’t leave the house topless.  I know someone who did that after too many sleepless nights with a newborn.  OK it might have been me.  But I only got as far as the end of our driveway before realising my mistake so it doesn’t count.

– If you trip in high heels, use this opportunity to unleash the drama queen within.  Sob, wail and fling your arms around, then roll over onto your back and scissor-kick your legs in the air for 30 seconds.  (Warning: you will look seriously nutty doing this, but I would so love to see it.  That’s why I added it.)

Instant sophistication is now yours.  No need to thank me, just the knowledge that I have helped fledging femme fatales is enough.

Not that you need to go elsewhere, but should you be in the mood for some serious style, do see Nikki Parkinson’s Styling You site.  It puts me to shame.

Which, let’s face it, isn’t hard.

20 thoughts on “My Gift to You: Style Tips

  1. Love your tips. Your last tip is an exact description of my 19-month-old's tantrums. I won't be able to match her performance, so I think I'll just leave it to the experts.

  2. Sorry but it's too cold to strip and I AM wearing the majority of my wardrobe today….. in fact last night the oil fired heating didn't kick in and I went to bed in all my clothes…I am not ashamed, (much) it got as low as -18 here. NOT FUNNY GOD!

    Dear Agony Aunt This 30's Life; Do you think adult thermal all-in-ones could be sexy? I've seen some with emergency crotch flaps.

  3. Heehee. Love it. You must be so freeeezing having been used to Oz winters?! Brrrrr. I am rubbish at winter style due to the expansion of my girth as soon as the weather turns cold. I can hide my ever expanding muffin top under layers, of course, but my face? Those old puffy moon cheeks aren't fooling anybody! Roll on Springtime…

  4. Last week I was dining al fresco in Dubai wearing a summer frock. Now I look like the Hungry Caterpillar due to comfort eating and the contents of my winter wardrobe.

    Most importantly, like Lou I need to know whether the style guru believes adult thermal all-in-ones could be sexy?

  5. Ms Styling You: that is my absolute pleasure.

    Tat: you are right, when it comes to tantrums you can't compete with a toddler. But wouldn't it be fun trying?

    Writeonmum: I am FREEZING. The other day a shopkeeper made a friendly comment to me and I couldn't answer b/c I could not move my face. So I sort of went “bleugh” and that was that. I'm with you on the face thing. One can't wear a balaclava without raising eyebrows.

    Lou: people are not meant to live in minus 18 dgrees. It's just not right.

    Now Lou and Frosty raise an interesting point. And they call me an agony aunt and style guru respectively, so am so loving them at the mo. So, can adult all-in-one thermals be sexy?

    Well let me answer that with a question. Is your secret identity Uma Thurman? If so, and your thermals are black with a slight sheen, with no baggy fabric around the crotch, then yes it can be. Sling a belt around your hips and you are an Avenger.

    If you are not Uma Thurman, let me pose another question: do you think Tinky Winky is sexy? Because thermal all-in-ones are ever so slightly Teletubby. Sure people say sexiness is all to do with confidence, but it's hard being confident when you look like Dipsy.

    So the answer is no, unless the Teletubbies do it for you. In which case you might want to seek some help.

    Do you agree? Or am I about to be hit by a barrage of people with a Tinky Winky fetish.

  6. That was a dead funny post. The clothes just come from the drycleaner tip is a good one, as long as you take the coathanger out of the back and cut off the labels. Otherwise, dork or what?

  7. Fran I hate it when I forget to remove the coathanger before putting on my clothes. So annoying, walking around the streets with wire sticking out all over the place.

    That idea was inspired by the other day when I picked up my freshly cleaned coat. I was carrying this great whopping fancy coat carrier thingy, thinking how cool does this look – noone knows I'm carrying a daggy 12 year old, ill fitting coat. It could be anything! Gucci! Prada! Brands I can't pronounce! Then I got all excited and bought some chips. They were good.

  8. I just left freezing North Dakota and have returned to more mild climates. I feel like I lost 5 lbs just by stripping off the layers I'd refused to remove while there. (Did I mention how flat my stomach is??)

  9. I laughed and laughed reading this post, leaving the house topless is something I can so imagine doing myself.
    May I add — do NOT (accidentally) wear your bunny slippers to the shops. Especially on the day when you are going to run into THAT girl from school.

  10. I have to admit that I have on more than one occasion left the house with my shirt on backwards. (Yes, i have small children and no, I do not wear v-necks or button downs.) While the benefit of this look is that it pulls tight across the front (making mountains out of mole hills) the downside it that the exposed tag makes it abundantly clear that I'm insane. I shall follow your style tips closely.

  11. Your tips are so infinitely helpful! I quite like the topless thing and as far as the dramatic fall…yes, I would pay to see that!

    Do you know…you happen to be Blogger of the Week on British Mummy Bloggers?? Check out the BMB Blog- Congrats lovely! Looking forward to more insightful posts from you! 😀


  12. Krystan: While your comment is encouraging, I'm predicting I'll be going back to Australia a full stone heavier. Cold = too much pudding. Must stop.

    Minivan Mama: PLEASE can you drop and scissor kick in the air in public, don't wait til you trip and fall. Just do it in the street and make you sure post a photo. Will love you forever.

    Toni: Bunny slippers are cool, I think you should wear them in public more.

    Fussy Eater's Mum: I did giggle at that, and I totally sympathise. One thing you could do when that happens is make sure you play with the tag when you're chatting to someone. This indicates you know it's on the wrong way, and it's a deliberate move. Do it confidently and the next time you see that person, they'll be doing it too.

    Cafebebe: I can't thank you enough for that amazing plug, but I'll try – THANK YOU!! See, you got capitals and two exclamation marks!! That's so lovely and I'm very flattered and thrilled. Thank you.

  13. Just what I was looking for as I am searching for ideas about what to wear to Oprah – this will help me!!
    Very funny and if I ever do fall over in in high heels I will be sure to do just that 😉

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