The Dinner Party

Some women are natural dinner party hostesses.  They waft around looking supremely elegant, churning out course after course without the slightest bit of bother.  Their tables are resplendent in tasteful pale-coloured David Austin roses, with stain-free linen and matching napery.  That’s the first time I’ve used the word napery.  Guests leave these parties saying to each other,  “I never know how she does it.”

Well guess what?  I’m not one of those women.  But I can dream, and encouraging me to dream is Kate Take 5 who has invented a fun blogging thingy called Listography.  Every week she decides on a different topic, and this week is Top 5 Dinner Party Guests.  I’ll play!

So here is my list of top 5 dinner party guests:

1. Hugh Jackman
I love him.  In Australia, if you do not love Our Hugh, you are un-Australian.  Yes there really is such a term.  Awful, isn’t it?  I’d love to hear non-Australians use it outside of Australia. But that’s just me.

Our Hugh will be given a second helping of chocolate mousse if he sings for us after dinner.  With no shirt on.  Wearing whatever he is comfortable in.  As the evening mellows right at the end, he will be asked to sing Tenterfield Saddler.   That would be so cool.

2. My great-great grandfather
If you’re a regular here you’ll know I’ve been helping my mother find out more about him and his family.  So if I could ask him in person, I would – so much easier.  I was also tossing up the idea of inviting one of my convict ancestors so I can thank them for being so naughty.  But then I thought many of them were known to steal food.  Can’t have that at my dinner party, can I?

3.  A chef
But which one?  There’s Gordon Ramsay, who I used to not mind until the whole ugly Tracy Grimshaw incident.  Put simply, during a cooking demonstration in Australia, Mr Ramsay suddenly launched a strange verbal attack on a popular TV presenter.  Among other things, he called her a pig and ugly.

Well, noone picks on Our Tracy.  It’s un-Australian.

It turns out Our Tracy stands up to bullies:



So then I thought of Jamie Oliver. But he might try to sell me some really expensive kitchenware.
Ah, I know – Margaret Fulton: the Queen of the Australian Cookbook.  She’s tops.  I could rely on her to swoop in on the inevitable kitchen cock-ups and sort them all out.  To say thank you, I’d sit her next to Our Hugh.
4. Edward Cullen 
Edward is a fictitious vampire from the Twilight saga.  If you need to brush up on your Twilight storyline, click here.  I’d invite Edward because he’s really good looking, and it’s not often you meet a vegetarian vampire – as opposed to those run-of-the-mill vampires we’re always meeting.
Well OK, I confess that the main reason I’d invite him is because he doesn’t eat food.  And if Margaret Fulton’s doing the rescuing / cooking – that’s more for me!
5. Stephen Fry 
The People’s Raconteur and hater of the Daily Mail.  I suspect he’d feature on many such list.  He would be very welcome at our dinner party, even if he did nothing more than sit in a corner rocking back and forth singing, “I’ve Got a Lover-ly Bunch of Coconuts.”
What do you think?  A good party?  Edward won’t eat you, I hasten to say. He’s good like that.

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