Things I Wish I Could Do

I’m not perfect.  Shocked, aren’t you?  There are many things I wish I could do, but cannot.  Coincidentally, the latest listography theme is “Things I Wish I Could Do.”

So in the spirit of someone very close to me who once said, “I wish parents would stop telling their children they can do anything if they really try.  If their kid is thick they’re not going to be an astronaut, are they?”  here is where my talent might be non-existent, but that doesn’t stop me wishing.

*****
BE A RUNNER
I’d rather set myself on fire than go for a run.  I have tried – honest.  But everything wobbles, my non-existent ankles hurt and my huffing and puffing give the Big Bad Wolf a run for his money.  When exercising you’re not supposed to care how you look – and whoever said that is very fit and probably has long, elegant legs.
But I wish I liked running.

*****
PERFECT THE MISUNDERSTOOD ART OF MIME
Just kidding.

*****

SPEAK ANOTHER LANGUAGE 
(Ooh this list is sounding rather like yours, Kate!)

I studied German for a while at school and thought I was OK at it.  Then before a trip to Germany, a guy from work told me that “schone schwanz” (I can’t work out how to type an umlaut) means “nice day.”  I should have known better.

So in Germany I was with a group of Germans, funnily enough, and casually announced there was a nice cock.  Excellent.

*****

BAKE LIKE A PROFESSIONAL
I actually can bake, and I love it.  I enjoy eating what I bake even more.  Here is a photo of my latest birthday cake.  The kitchen looked like a butter cream bomb had gone off, but still, I was quite happy with it:

By way of comparison, here is a photo of a very dear friends’ birthday cake:

See her website: http://www.sugarandsparkles.com – amazing!

Now we’re talking!  I know, I know…. you shouldn’t envy a friend’s talent.  But still – if you like baking, I challenge you to look at it and not wish it was you who created it.

One of these days I’ll stop talking about doing a course and actually do it.

*****

WRITE A NOVEL
I’m not working, I don’t have a newborn, I love writing so why not?  Well I’ll tell you why not.  Because I have a different idea for a novel every few days.  And after a day or so, I re-visit my idea and realise it’s crap.  That’s why not.

If I ever end up writing one, there would be one quite serious limitation: there is no way on earth I could write a proper sex scene.  If I did, it would have to be very tongue-in-cheek.  I really shouldn’t have put the words “sex scene” and “tongue” in such close proximity.  It’s a g-rated blog, after all.

Ah well, back to my tongue-in-cheek sex scene.  By that I mean it would have to be ridiculous.  So I’d use words like “love button” as well as metaphors like rockets blasting, and automated sprinklers suddenly going off.  That kind of thing.

Yep.  The publishers will be fighting over themselves for that one.

*****

HAVE A VAGUE IDEA ABOUT INTERIOR DESIGN
I love reading quotes of those whose homes are featured in design magazines.  “I found this piece in a Morrocan bazaar.  A donkey had just shat on it and it was completely unrecognisable.   I saw its potential so had it shipped home.  An emergency French polish later and it turns out it’s a nineteenth century squibble daffy planko…”

That will never be me, but I’d love to have that knack.  To prove my point: it took us 5 years to buy a couch.  Until then we were completely happy to sit on the floor, ignoring our sunken orange and brown 2-seater from 1972 which was rescued from my in-laws shearers’ quarters.  Its one happy advantage was you could be sick all over it and no-one need ever know.

Similarly, I admire those with a talent for colour.  I’ve seen people compare two identical shades of blue before deciding on one over the other, as “it has less yellow.”  I wish I could do that.
*****

I’m not sure what kind of comments this post will provoke.  “My friend decorated her house with mud and it got into Vogue Living?”  or “I hated running then I lost a bet and had to enter the London marathon.  Now if I don’t run every day I simply cannot concentrate?”  I’m now a little bit excited!

One thought on “Things I Wish I Could Do

  1. Glennis Slack- Smith says:

    Interior decorating is all about vizulizing. Imagine your desired room/house, then get what you imagined, throw out what doesn’t fit.

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