Just as I was thinking it’s been ages since I guffawed over a trashy mag, it was the day of my hair appointment. In those few hours, I learnt a lot. I could keep these gold nuggets to myself, but that would be selfish.
1. Chucking a sickie and just spotted your boss? Or trying to avoid your ex who is walking down the street? Let Dustin Hoffman demonstrate the best course of action.
|Isn’t he great?|
2. You’re looking fabulous and someone pulls out a camera. You have to think fast. The solution? Quickly spin around so you are giving the photographer your back, then peek coyly back at them over one shoulder. You might feel like a dickhead, but that’s because you are.
Sorry Emma Watson, it’s a shame yours is the photo I took because in interviews you seem quite normal.
Top tip! Spend time in the mirror choosing which is your face’s best side. It’s best to peek over that corresponding shoulder. This might take some practice.
3. You can buy this feather headdress from Top Shop. True. It’s a must-have for funerals and job interviews. Personally I can think of no better way to honour the Village People.
|“Do the milkshake, the milkshake… do the shake!”|
4. Repeat after me: there is no such thing as too much information. Just ask Katie Price / Jordan. I read my first-ever article about her, and it turns out she had sex with her latest husband the first time they met. How did I manage to live before knowing this? “I normally don’t do one-night stands but how could I resist the power of Alex?”
A question that plagues us all.
5. This month’s Cosmopolitan is simply bursting with useful sex tips. Examples include “undress each other” and “look into each other’s eyes.” I was shocked I tell you, shocked.
6. A sure sign I have moved into a higher age demographic: I flicked to this page and laughed. Sorry boys.
7. Kerry Katona! She loves exclamation marks!! They’re great! Here are some more!!!!!
8. Sandra Bullock’s ex-husband is engaged. So? Well, for Christmas, his fiance gave him a sniper rifle with “I love you” all over it. Whatever happened to socks and soap-on-a-rope?