Muff Stuff

I’m about to lower the tone of this blog. I thought some warning was necessary, especially as some of my mum’s lovely friends read this. I don’t want them thinking, “But her mother is so nice!” I actually think it’s pretty tame, but you have the option of looking away now and joining me another day.

So…

On my vlog I mentioned that I am heading to a day spa soon. Did I mention it’s free? I was given a very generous voucher for my 1930s housewife efforts. I’ll have lots of lovely, pampering things done surrounded by hot towels, candles and hopefully no whale music.

However, since booking this I’ve been alerted to a beauty treatment I’ve not come across before.

The fanny facial. Otherwise known as a “vajacial.”

Obviously it’s a misnomer. One’s vagina is not on one’s face – and thank goodness for that. It’d be most inconvenient.

It turns out the vajacial has been around for a while. Where have I been? Don’t confuse a vajacial with a vajazzle. A vajacial can include a vajazzle, but it doesn’t have to.

There are at-home versions so you can do it yourself. Products include “I Love My Muff” which is a range of products formerly just lumped under “feminine hygiene.” Its makers are soon to release “I Love My Muffler”… yep… for the boys. Thanks, Nikki from Styling You for that.

If it’s the professional touch you’re after, you can get a salon treatment. This had me curious. Is it the usual cleanse / tone / moisturise affair? How about the optional steam and extractions? They’d have to rinse well after an exfoliation, surely? Facials all include a massage, so I’m guessing that’s out.

Fear not, for I have done the research for you. Well, OK I Googled it and I’m sharing my findings.

Obviously treatments differ from salon to salon, but here is an example: First, skin is cleansed with an antibacterial body wash and witch hazel. Then, a papaya – based exfoliating gel goes on before the esthetician (really?) extracts ingrown hairs. After that, an anti-freckle, anti-acne, or calming mask is applied. It finishes off with an application of lightening cream.

Its name can differ from place to place as well, for example in Manhattan you can get The Peach Smoothie. From what I’ve read, it’s where you go for vulval (did I just make up a word?) acne.

Although this all raises more questions than provides answers. Does it really need exfoliating? And why a calming mask?

And what’s wrong with a good old facial? You know, for your face?


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