William and Kate: The Movie

There is absolutely nothing wrong with American filmmakers making movies set in the UK, about British people. Nothing at all. Provided they get the details right.

I’m talking specifically about William and Kate: The Movie. My husband and I watched it last night, cowering together on the sofa with our hands over our eyes, laughing.

“Men love it when women laugh at their jokes, but this is starting to hurt…”

It was so bad, it was great. In fact, it’s so piss funny I am recommending it to you.

But I feel it my duty to offer the following unsolicited advice to the filmmakers.

If the female lead character is English, I would recommend casting an actress who can speak in an English accent. I don’t mean to be picky – she was certainly trying – but there was no disguising that very obvious, although charming, American accent. “But he’s just a guy!”

Cars in Britain drive on the left-hand side of the road. This is the side your watch is on.

When shooting scenes that are meant to be in Scotland, you could consider throwing in the odd Scottish accent. Now Scotland does not love me. I’ve never been there without vomiting, a Scotsman once dumped me and I’ve had someone recite a Robert Burns poem about a haggis right in my ear until I started crying because I was so tired. But even I could see that the Scots have been short-changed here. And you know what? A blue sky is an anomaly.  So for every single outside scene to have a bright blue sky is just plain suspicious.   As is the dust that the cars in this film kick up when driving down country roads.  I’ll go out on a limb here and say this was filmed in the States, yes?

A little note to the writers now. The future King’s girlfriend is not going to discuss the details of her relationship with her mother in the middle of the street, surrounded by photographers. On that note, I’d be confident Kate Middleton calls her mother “Mummy” and not “Mum.” Prince Charles would not have garish bright yellow, red and pink flowers on his table and he would surely have half-decent table manners. But my favourite character had to be Pippa Middleton:

Kate enters the room. Pippa jumps up, squeals, and gives her a sisterly hug. (These exact directions are peppered throughout the script.)

“Are you sure you’re not Harry?”

I know I should end this by promising not the mention the Royal Wedding again, for this is starting to get silly. But I can’t promise that because I have one more thing to show you. Oh stuff it, I’ll include it here. Will just get my camera… hold on…

I’m back. Anyway, the day after the wedding the headlines were all about what a wonderful day it was, “Sealed With A Kiss” – that sort of thing. Not this one:

Gotta love the British tabloids.


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