Part 4 of an anonymous guest post.
It’s so hard being me.
There’s me the mother. Me the academy-award winning movie star. Me the wife of a famous musician. Me the musician… if he can do it, so can I. Me the successful cook book author where I name drop on every page. And me the General Go-To Person for Handy Life Tips – you don’t even need to ask, I’ll dish those gold nuggets out anyway. You are so welcome!
Juggle juggle juggle. All this, and still only eating grass and managing my social media responsibilities.
Like all mums, it’s hard keeping all the balls in the air, isn’t it?
I’m not afraid to admit I need a little bit of help. Nothing outlandish, of course, just the basics to help keep things on track. There’s the gardener, nanny, our chef (I gave him a signed copy of my cookbook, he was speechless!), my PA, my personal trainer, a team of housekeepers, my nutritionist, my stylist (well, OK, 3 stylists), my astrologist, beautician, publicist (where would I be without you Minty?), hairdresser and ear wax remover.
Our kids are the most important thing to me, but lately their homework has been a struggle. I have a strict evening routine: I workout until the point of collapse, so I totter around like a new-born foal, aren’t they so sweet! Then a stylist visits to workshop the next day’s various outfits. But how to juggle the homework too? As mothers, don’t you wish you could be in five places at once? It’s the story of our lives!
So we’ve advertised for a tutor. Obviously they have to speak Japanese, be a chess master, a Wimbledon finalist, be fluent in ancient Greek, and have a talent for sailing. We’ll supply the boat. They’ll be proficient in philosophy too, a PhD preferably, but I’m not fussy. Drama and art are a given, if they haven’t worked with Simon Callow they shouldn’t bother applying.
A few of the “news” papers have cottoned on and they’re making a big fuss. What, they don’t love their children? They don’t hire tutors to guide them in the art of general life stuff and other stuff like that?
Well I’m not going to apologise for wanting the best for Lemon and The Hills Are Alive With The Sound Of Music (THAAWTSOM – not real names, but similar). As I always say:
“I believe the children are our future… teach them well and let them lead the way.”
Yep. I wrote that. Another talent! Oh when will it end???
In case you missed them, here are the links for part 1, part 2 and part 3. Despite having never met you, I love you all! Sincerity is another talent of mine. I can turn it on like a light switch.