The Sex Tape That Wasn’t

This morning I said to my husband, “let’s do a video tonight.”

The look on his face was priceless.

Let it be known that I wasn’t suggesting we make a sex tape.

I was simply thinking that because we wouldn’t make it out for a run* today, we could do an exercise DVD as soon as the kids have gone to bed. That’s all. (Come to think of it, that look could have been horror at the thought of doing an exercise DVD.) Doesn’t that make us sound like a couple who power walk together wearing matching lycra?

Of course you could argue his interpretation is better exercise and more fun. But in that hour after our children’s bedtime, they like to push their luck by roaming about the house like it’s nobody’s business. And children are far better off walking in on their parents doing pilates instead of each other.

But I can see how I could have been misinterpreted – it’s the word “do” instead of “watch” that did it. Did he think I was planning on leaking a sex video? Maybe “accidently” popping it on You Tube? Or uploading it to Facebook to be viewed by “friends only” in an attempt to appear subtle? It’d be great publicity for this blog, simply because anything that involves sex or nudity gets attention – whether it’s a good look or not.  And it certainly worked for, well, everyone else.

Endorsing chocolate-dipped strawberries  is surprisingly lucrative.

Want to know his reply? “Actually, we can tell people if they DON’T read your blog, we’ll make them watch it.”

Oh ha ha haaaaaaaaaa! Very funny. And ever-so-slightly offensive. But that comment rubbishes him too, which makes it OK.

Since that conversation this morning, the jokes haven’t veered too far from the topic. I just heard him coming downstairs saying in a dodgy voice, “Where is my little antelope? Here comes your big stag…!”  Please don’t be offended if animal themed role-play is your thing – good luck to you, I say.

And, yes, a male antelope is a “buck” and not a “stag.” I thought I’d acknowledge that in case you are outraged over my disregard for the correct matching of noun to species.

Anyway, must go. Juan is here to clean ze pool.

*I have taken up jogging this week.  So I have been peppering all conversations with things like, “after my run” and “my daily jog.”  It makes me sound all sporty and I like it. 

One thought on “The Sex Tape That Wasn’t

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