Marriage Advice

Today is our seventh wedding anniversary. We don’t usually go crazy for anniversaries but today we went all out. We did lunch.  Fancy lunch at a fancy place.  I wish I had a photo to show you of all the perfectly manicured lunching women… so many expensive sunnies perched on so much glossy hair.

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I’m just a bit excited.

Today has got me thinking about marriage.  What makes a good one?  I know taking marriage advice from someone with just seven years under their belt is wrong.  Like when people pronounce the “h” in “white” because they think it’s posh – wrong.  But it’s something I am interested in, plus it’s my blog.  So here we go.  It’s not an exhaustive list, by the way.  I’m hoping you can add to it.

Rule number 1 for a happy marriage
Don’t marry a dickhead.  If he gets into fights, deliberately ignores your birthday, kicks puppies, sings “Jelly On A Plate” when you’re walking around naked – these are warning signs.

Rule number 2
Don’t be a dickhead.  We all have our moments, but recognise when you are being one and take immediate action.  An apology is a good start.

Rule number 3
Buy a boat.  Now I don’t own a boat, in fact I don’t even like them.  But at my grandparents’ 50th wedding anniversary party my grandfather made a speech which included this advice:

I always say the secret to a good marriage is to have a boat.  Then when she is nagging you all day, you can go out on your boat by yourself for some peace.  

Cue awkward glances around the room as guests wondered if he was joking or not.  He wasn’t.

I include it here not because I think we should all go out and buy a boat.  But there is something to be said for a bit of “me time.”  Not a lot, but a little bit, regularly.

Rule number 4
This one comes from my grandmother (her husband didn’t have a boat, but he did have a very impressive shed). She always said never go to bed angry – and I think that’s good advice. She also had a theory that you should always sleep together because it’s really hard to stay mad at someone you are sharing a doona / duvet with.

Rule number 5
Encourage and support your partners’ friendships. Good friends add such richness to your life, but when things are busy most of us need a nudge from time to time. Unless you think they are dickheads (see rule number 1).

Rule number 6
I don’t think marriage is meant to be hard. But that doesn’t mean everything in life is meant to be easy. Savour that little nugget, for that is about as deep as I get.

Then again, don’t take marriage advice from me. My husband just pulled up in the garage and I didn’t even realise he’d gone out – and on our anniversary too.

But what I am really interested in are your comments. What advice have you received – and do you agree? What would your number one rule be?


8 thoughts on “Marriage Advice

  1. MsCaroline says:

    I've been married for 21+ years (and we dated for 5 years before that,) but I still don't think I can give any advice better than “don't marry a dickhead.” When it comes right down to it, if you're both observing that one, you'll be just fine. Happy Anniversary! x

  2. Other than “don't marry a dickhead” and “don't be a dickhead”, I think it's important to have same views/values on parenting, money management, sex, religion, exercise/health.

  3. Iota says:

    Don't write a blog. Or if you do, make sure you still spend time with your spouse. I think I went through a phase when Husband wondered whether I was married to him, or to the blogosphere.

    Good luck, back in Australia. Good to see you are continuing the blog (and remaining married).

  4. First off Happy Anniversary. We just passed # 17 so I will give you my best advice. Appreciation. Take the time to appreciate the little things. A lifetime together means lots of mundane, absolutely routine, dull things will be done in your time together. Lots of dishes, raking leaves, opening jars, changing oil, vacuuming, you name it, these completely “unextraordinary” things will make up a lot of your time together so take some time to appreciate it. Say thank you for the small things and mean it. It's easy to appreciate bit things but it counts more when you appreciate the small things.

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