Yesterday I tried to buy some makeup. Simple really, I ran out of foundation, so I sought to replace it.
In an effort to be financially responsible, I thought I’d go for a cheaper brand than the one I just finished. It’s easier to go to the cosmetics counter, show the Exceptionally Well Groomed Person what you want and then walk away with an exact replacement. But Exceptionally Well Groomed Person charges Exceptionally Nutty Prices for what is essentially coloured face cream, and this time, I wasn’t having it.
Did I mention I thought it would be simple?
|It’s all so effortless!|
I tried a few different chemists. Either the testers didn’t exist or they looked like they belonged in a petri dish. I tried Priceline. When a whole, long wall is made up entirely of competing brands of makeup, it makes your head hurt just a little. Or maybe it was the perfume? Either way, I got out of there. The key to Priceline is either to have a lot of time, or to know exactly what you want. It’s not a place to go when you need to make a decision. Or is that just me?
I ended up at dependable old David Jones. Think John Lewis without the ads everyone talks about at Christmas. I’d already wasted far too much time so this was it. I will not leave here without my makeup.
Ha! Baa haaa haaaaa!!
The fun was only starting. Did I want to look Photoready (is that a real word?)? Or would I prefer a flawless finish? Whipped creme? Pressed powder with “softflex?” WTF is that? BB cream I get… but now there is CC cream. CCs are CORN CHIPS, makeup people, and corn chips are not to be messed with because they are AWESOME.
Did I want my new makeup to be infallible or a true match? Or should I go for a bottle that promises an instant age rewind? How about lumi magique? Or nude magique? And why are we all suddenly spelling just one word in French when that word is perfectly lovely in English? Then there’s dream liquid, dream matte, dream mousse or dream fresh.
All of this, and it seems that you can’t combine one with the other. So if I want to look good in photos, but also want to look dream fresh…. despite not knowing what that really means… then it’s tough luck. No can do.
So what did I do? Well, I accidently dropped a bottle of Revlon ColourStay Stay Natural Makeup on the ground, where it smashed, sloshing Revlon ColourStay Stay Natural Makeup all over the floor and my boots. As the name suggests, it’s colour that stays and my boots now look like shit. The staff at David Jones were lovely and wouldn’t let me pay for it, which I thought was very nice. I got chatting to the shop assistant, and explained my makeup requirements:
a. I don’t want to take out a loan to buy it, and
b. I’d rather not look like a drag queen please.
She spent time with me, and chose the exact, most perfect, most spot-on match to my skin that a makeup could be. Well I didn’t look in the mirror but I took her word for it. It was $15 – bargain! – and… not available. They only had a tester.
That concludes my attempt at buying makeup. As I said at the start, buying makeup is a bastard. And if you’ve come this far – thanks for reading. X